Sitting on the fence

Talking with my grandmother the other day brought up an interesting topic of conversation... and it really made me think. If it all was going to end right now, what would you want to have done differently?

I know that I would have wanted to spend less time worrying, and more time going with the flow. I would have wanted to tell people how I actually feel instead of pretending that everything is ok all the time. I would have wanted to tell my family that I love them, and I would have wanted to finish reading all the books I put down.

I would have wanted to talk to more people, to write more, and to learn how to cook. I would have tried that cafe on the corner I always pass but never go into. I would have wanted to go more places and to see more; even though I know that you can’t do it all. I would have wanted to spend less money on things and spend more on people.

I would have wanted to judge people less and to stop assuming the worst. I would have wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt more instead of just assuming that they didn’t come through.

good thing I still have more time.

broken promises, broken bones

The things you buried long ago

Indentations, once were red

Company you kept between your sheets

But never in your head

You spread your wings and tried to fly

At least that’s what your mother said

Your life displayed upon the wall

Picture frames and dirty glass

Distant drums of memories past

You wish you knew but never asked

And oh, your weathered and wrinkled skin

bones dissolve, Begin again

The grapevines grew in twists and turns

Pushed and pulled, pierced, removed

Reminiscent of the way

Our mouths and bodies used to move

And oh, your weathered and wrinkled skin

bones dissolve, Begin again

And now you’re one plus eighty three

The mirror shows what you can’t see

Touch the lines upon your face

Deep avenues of woven lace

And oh the things you’ve seen

Four walls and a tambourine

And oh, your weathered and wrinkled skin

bones dissolve, Begin again

You're Now Leaving: Your Comfort Zone

Today I decided to disregard the weatherman, break free from the bonds of winter, and bust out my shorts for old time's sake. Despite the constant double takes and stares I received from the ever-so-proper Italians (although it might have been because my legs haven't seen the sun in 5 months) I was definitely happy with my decision. Something about not dressing like a nun makes me excited to go home! Although by wearing something other than a shiny black jacket and scarf I made it painfully obvious that I am nothing but a tourist, no one on the street today came up to me and asked me to sign something, asked me for money, or obscenely placed their hand on my ass (which was a nice change of pace from normal happenings around this city). That's enough incentive for me to continue looking like a tourista! Maybe I'll even add flip flops next time to add to the effect.

I've been having trouble concentrating lately and I think it's because the last class with my 6 year olds is tomorrow. I wonder how I'll feel- rushing off to the school after my morning class, frantically ringing the bell at the gate to be buzzed in, calming down Chiara, Neri, and Lavinia when they don't win BINGO; for the very last time. Ever. It feels so final. I know that the end to something always brings the beginning of something else, but I can't help but feel a little melancholy when I think about teaching those kids. I guess this is just the first goodbye of many to come and I'd better get used to it. Some other stuff needs to end too but I can't bring myself to do it.

Only 2 more months to go and then my parents will be picking me up at the airport. I know it sounds strange but I kind of want to live with my parents next year- not because I feel comfortable at home, not because it's the easy decision, not because I actually want to live under the same roof as my parents, but because I don't think I'd be able to handle going from walking past the Duomo everyday to living in Fullerton again. If I have to be anywhere I'd rather be in a place that I enjoy; a place that has more scenery than the Del Taco across the street from the Baseball Stadium. And while I absolutely lived for Taco Tuesday last year I'm pretty sure Ventura's Del Taco will have it too.

I just need to tell myself not to stress about it; that what's going to happen will happen without any help from me. Part of me is definitely a control freak and I need to let that go: in this, and in one main aspect of my life right now. Just relax! Trust that everything will be ok, and it will be.

Anyway. I need to make cookies for my class tomorrow and it's already 12:30. Past my bedtime! Nikki and the girls made me dinner tonight (hamburgers with mashed potatoes? yes please?) and we went out for a few drinks afterward. Definitely worth staying up, but I need to get to bed soon if I'm going to convince myself to go to my 8:30 class tomorrow morning.

Ciao for now.

Things in your Pocket

I saw a woman carrying sun flowers today. Normally this wouldn't be something memorable enough to commit to memory, however the bright yellow (a connotation of Tuscan Spring) contrasted nicely with the snow falling everywhere.

Yup, the winter weather is back for another round. Thanks a lot, stupid groundhog.

I suppose the dismal weather is (in a sense) something good- I think (and I'm not trying to be negative) that it will make it easier to go home when the time comes. I'm definitely ready to go home as it is, but I think the novelty of being back in the States will eventually wear off just as the novelty of being in Italy did. In other words, I know I'm going to want to come back once I'm gone; but the harsh reality of winter will help keep my memory in check- instead of remembering Italy for only the good parts (as I tend to do), I'll remember it for what it was; the good and the bad. This weather is just too damn cold to forget!

Tomorrow morning we're headed to Southern Italy for our longest field trip yet- we'll all be together for a whopping four straight days. It might be nice to get out of Florence for a while, and when I was in Napoli for the first time I didn't get a chance to try the pizza! Although I never finished the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" had some good suggestions for where to go.

I also need to figure out what I'm going to do for the nine days in June I'll be here. I've got a lot on my plate right now. I missed my 20th Century Authors course this morning; I slept right through my alarm (I'm not going to lie and say that it wasn't on purpose) so I'll have an "extra project" to do when I get back. Will 8:30 class ever get any easier?

What an interesting post, huh?

The trivialities of life are all that's on my mind right now.

I need to go veg.

Ciao.