Jigsaw falling into Place

I've been wondering lately where I would be if things had turned out differently. What if things had worked out 2 summers ago? What if I had moved to a different state? What if I had ended up transferring colleges? What if I had taken a semester off and moved back home? What if I had had the guts to finish my application to Marquette? What if I hadn't had the guts to study abroad?

I don't know if life is simply a random series of events, or if everything is left up to fate. Maybe predestination dictates the end, but how we get there is up to us.

Or, maybe none of it matters. Maybe our life can be summed up as a group of atoms randomly bumping into one another; we're born, we live, and we die. What happens in the middle is of no real significance- at least compared to the scale of the multitude of planets and galaxies and universes that are out beyond our reach. In that scope, we hold no importance to that which is happening around us. We have no impact on the flow of whatever is out there. We tend to forget that there are different levels- our lives may be important to us, here, now, but it won't always be so.

Being in a city where there is so much history only reaffirms my point. We learn about the big things- Dante lived here, DaVinci worked there, this statue is this many years old, this building was built in.... etc. etc.

But somewhere in Piazza San Marco someone had their heart broken. On Via degli Alfani someone once greeted a friend in passing and at Santa Maria Novella someone saw their mother buried. Things that were once so important in someone's life hold no significance now... so what was the point of it all? It mattered to someone, somewhere, at some time... but eventually, we fade. And then life just goes on without us. We spend our lives searching for the 'big picture' when it's in front of us all along: there is no big picture. Life is just life, we have to deal with what comes and then move on. No amount of critical thinking, reading self-help books and studying new religions is going to change that fact.

We have no control over life, it's going to be there whether we're ready for it or not. The only thing we can control is how we choose to react to things.

So why stress about something that's not going to change the structure of the universe? Getting that C, being rejected for a date, your car breaking down may seem like huge, important, life-changing events now, but in the grand scheme of things they won't matter. That's just life. You deal with the problem and move on, because that's what life is. It's all we can do.

I don't believe that there's a God watching over us. I don't believe that there's a heaven, and I don't believe that there's a hell. I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in soul mates.

I do, however, believe in being a good person for your own personal reasons. I don't mean for this blog to sound pessimistic and hopeless, because that's not the point I'm trying to convey at all. Our lives are somewhat significant through their insignificance--- although my life may be inconsequential compared to the scope of the universe, I can still walk down the street and enjoy looking at all the people. I can still find a rose beautiful. I can still appreciate a good song and I can still get that feeling in my heart when I'm about to see someone I care about. Even though my life is a small blip on the radar- for some reason I'm able to feel all of these things- good things. That has to mean something.

Just because we are specks floating somewhere in space doesn't mean that our lives in our world don't serve a purpose to those living them. I have consciousness. I don't know why, I don't know how I was created and I don't know what purpose I'm supposed to serve- if any at all. But what I do know is that my life is significant to me, because I am living it. Just as yours is to you.

And maybe all that we can do is try to be the best person we know how to be. Even if it doesn't matter in the long run, it matters now, because we are living it now. We have the ability to create happiness. Once our lives surpass us our slate is wiped clean in a sense- it won't matter if you smiled at someone on the street, or you let someone go ahead of you in the grocery line, or you made dinner for your neighbor. The things that we did will be gone, in order to make way for new generations, for new lives. Yet we will have the satisfaction of knowing that while we lived, we did the best that we could. That we spread happiness to other people. And even though other people might not recognize the value in the little things, we spread happiness somewhere, to someone. I don't need someone to tell me that my life matters. In that sense I already know that it does.

If anything, that's what makes our lives significant. Perpetuating sanctity & felicity.

The rest of our big fat greek vacation

What is it about time that refuses to slow down? Our vacation to Greece came and went, and already we’ve been in Italy for almost 3 months. It seems like yesterday I was packing, and then unpacking, and then repacking again, wondering what it would be like to live in another country.And now I know! (sort of).

There’s still so much left for me to discover, but I don’t know how to begin discovering it all. I feel (I know) there are things that I’m supposed to learn (both about myself and about other people) while I’m here but I don’t know how I’m supposed to go about learning them. I guess all you can do is take things day by day, and see where you are at the end of it all. And in the meantime enjoy all the little things (like the fact that chocolate is only 30 eurocents here!)

………….

We only stayed in Crete for one day and one night; just enough time to begin to realize how much we wouldn’t be able to see on the island! We found a hostel in Heraklion, a city nestled right along the shore of northern Crete, and we even were able to wear- wait for it- SHORTS. At the end of October! It was a nice reminder of what it’s like back home (and a nice reminder that I’m not 150 lbs. when I’m not wearing my winter jacket).

At any rate, it sure beat the 50-degree weather we’d been having in Florence. (I’ve learned that cold weather is novel only when you have working heat in your apartment. If you don’t….. it kind of sucks.) After spending the day walking around Heraklion, finding the Archeological Museum, and discovering some unwanted guests in our oil & vinegar at a restaurant,

we spent a few hours sleeping at our hostel and then it was off to Santorini on yet another ferry. The ferry ride to Santorini was of a different caliber than the one to from Athens to Crete… no bugs in the furniture, and it was during the day so we got the chance to see the water and some of the surrounding islands. While Amanda, Chelsea, and Emily spent most of the time playing cards and watching out the window, I went up to the deck and braved the winds (accompanied by my iPod, of course. And as a side note, In Rainbows really is the best album I’ve ever heard.)

We arrived in Santorini early afternoon, and were pleased to find the owner of our hostel waiting for us right at the port. We piled into his van and began the ascent to our hostel (if he hadn’t been waiting for us at the port we would have had to hike up 300 meters worth of winding, dirt road (which, according to Google is 984.251969 feet. Which, according to me is much to far for an almost vertical climb. At least when we’re on vacation.))

Our hostel was beautiful, and since they accidentally gave our room to someone else, they gave us two separate rooms for the same price. Emily and mine even had access to the roof- which, of course, we all took full advantage of. That night we sipped wine and watched a lightning storm over the ocean.

Santorini was my favorite of all the places we visited- definitely because of Oia (the city known for it’s white buildings and blue roofs), our discovery of an authentic Mexican restaurant (maybe my favorite part of the whole vacation), or the fact that we rented ATV’s and rode them around the island! I only ran into a wall one time throughout the whole 2 days! I’m definitely improving my driving skills (Look dad! No speeding tickets this time!) We hiked along red beach (called so because of the abundance of pumice stone – who knew Santorini was an active volcano??) and found even more animals who adopted us for our short stay… a cat who we fed milk too every morning and a black lab who looked more than ready to give birth to her puppies.

Sadly, it all had to come to an end, as all good things eventually do. Getting back to our own beds was an adventure in and of itself- taxi rides, a 2 am ferry, airplanes, trains, and walking back to our apartment all included. The creepiest part? Sleeping on the floor on our ferry back to Athens and waking up to a complete stranger who had his face on my bare feet! Lesson learned: next time I won’t worry about my bag when I’m sleeping, I’ll worry about my shoes, instead!

And so we made it home, safe and sound, with all of Sunday to relax before we started our first semester of classes (which now we’re a week and a half into).

I’m sitting here writing this because my Opera class was cancelled tonight (sorry mom, I know it’s way overdue!), but I still have 136 pages of reading due tomorrow. How does that work? Who knew there’d be reading involved with a literature major….

But a quick update of the latest happenings:

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to do what I THOUGHT was to help out in English classes for an Italian elementary school, but apparently I’ll be actually teaching the lesson instead! One hour a week, Thursdays from 10:30-11:30. I was assigned first graders, and I even get to come up with my own lesson plans. Who ever gets the chance to do this?? I feel so lucky to be able to be a part of something that I’m passionate about, and maybe learn some Italian from the kids while I’m at it! Also, Paola (our campus’ librarian, resident hippy, and the woman who organizes volunteer opportunities for the students) asked me to tutor her other daughter (her 6 year old is in the English class I’m teaching) who’s 13 on Monday nights. So (if everything works out) I’ll go over to her house once a week and help her daughter with homework, and get to sit down to a real Italian dinner with a real Italian family. In Italy! Imagine.

It’s amazing what opportunities present themselves if you open yourself up to new experiences. Heyyy…. that’s life lesson #1.

Ciao for now!